I'm breaking up with my bed

Well, it's finally happened. My air mattress that I have grown to love and spent numerous hours cuddling with has called it quits. I demanded it to stay, hoping to wake up with it still below me, but alas it has shrunk, taking me down with it.

I'll need a bottle of wine to get over the aches and pains; between the broken mattress and carrying my laptop with me down Madison Avenue, my back hurts. My neck hurts. I'm tired. I know it's time to get out but every morning I'm back to the middle with the air surrounding me, making it difficult to stand up without falling first.

It's time to move on and find a new and better mattress. Preferably a real one that won't break my sleep. But I also need one that won't take all my money.

Until then I will spend the rest of the night trying to find that jerk of a hole in hopes of taping it up. I can be quite talented in many areas, but how the hell do I find a hole in an air mattress?